Baby steps for Will and Emma
by browneyedgirlxx
Summary: A look at Will and Emma's journey to parenthood


The day Will arrived home to find Emma carefully arranging five ziploc bags in a neat row on their kitchen counter was one of the happiest of his life, although it took him a minute to understand what the meaning of it was.

"Em?" he said questioningly, as he stood in the doorway. "What's going on?"

She turned, slightly startled by his presence, a smile playing on her lips.

"Will, I, ah, didn't realize you were there. I didn't, um, hear you come in. I guess I was a little lost in thought."

He smiled back at her. He loved coming home to her. He loved finding her caught up in one of her projects.

"Here," she said holding out her hand, her eyes locked on his. "Look."

"Um, okay," he said picking up the ziploc bag and examining the contents.

Emma watched him closely waiting for the moment of realization to show on his face. As the grin broke out across his features, he wrapped his arms around her and pulling her close whispered in her ear.

"We did it Em. We really did it. We're pregnant."

The wonder and near disbelief in his voice brought tears to her eyes and for a moment it was almost too much. She turned to pick up the next ziploc bag but he stilled her hand and pulled her to face him.

"You are happy, Em?"

She nodded, fighting back the tears, putting a hand to his face.

"You're just so quiet, I had to check."

"I'm just really, really happy," she said nodding emphatically. The truth was also that what she wanted more than anything was to take in his reaction. The way his face seemed to have been lit from within, the look of love in his eyes that she swore was deeper even now than at any time before.

"See this," she said picking up another ziploc bag "and this one too, and this one, and this one," as she indicated each of the little bags in turn, each one holding a little plastic stick with a pink plus sign.

"I," she began, her voice breaking slightly, "I wanted to be sure, Will, as sure as I could be at least, before I told you."

The baby that had gone before was always an unspoken part of these conversations and Emma hadn't been able to bear the idea of falsely raising Will's hopes this time.

Will shook his head, his hand raking through his curls. "Em, I had no idea. I mean I didn't think it was even possible yet. You didn't say..."

"I, just, I thought I'd surprise you. I was going to go to the doctor's to be sure but then, then I couldn't wait, Will, I just had to know now and..."

Emma knew she was beginning to ramble, the excitement spilling over, all the things she'd wanted to share with Will over the last few days bubbling up like water out of a spring.

He silenced her the only way he knew how, with a kiss as deep as it was tender, pulling away only to look in to her eyes and tell her the one thought that was pressing to him.

"I love you, Em."

She smiled, blinking back the tears. "I love you too, Will, so much."

She hesitated "Can we really make plans now though, Will? There's so much we need to talk about."

He laughed. "Yes, we can do that. And I want to hear everything you have to say, trust me I do. But first I just have to do this one more time," he said leaning in to kiss her again.

And even though Will and Emma had fallen pregnant almost as soon as they'd started trying, their journey to parenthood began long before that day.

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The night Will asked Emma to marry him, he'd bought the ring, cooked a special meal, arranged flowers, lit candles and put a bottle of champagne on ice. And the evening had gone beautifully. Everything had gone to plan until the moment he asked Emma to marry him and she had said no. In fact she'd fled in tears, the bedroom door slamming behind her as Will remained frozen on one knee in the dining room.

He'd imagined a variety of responses - a squeal of delight, a breathless yes, a declaration of undying love, a simple nod but none of these imagined responses had involved her saying no.

Stunned Will slowly got up and feeling as though his legs might give way, he walked down the corridor, knocking gently on the door.

The only response was Emma's sobbing.

"Let me in, Em, please," Will said his desperation clear.

Her sobs only grew louder and Will sighed.

"Please."

But the door stayed shut.

"Emma, we have to talk about this. I know you love me," he was sure of that, as much as he could be sure of anything now.

"And I love you so much, Em," he said to the door, a catch in his voice. "So I need you to explain to me, if I love you and you love me, then why won't you marry me?" He turned away from the door and slid down it until his head rested mere inches from where he imagined hers to be.

"We have to be able to talk about this, Em," he said, his voice sounding weary. "I know that all of this, intimacy, everything, has been hard for you but...you should know that I've never felt closer to anyone, ever. Please don't shut me out."

On the other side of the door, Emma tried to stifle her sobs. It felt like her heart was breaking.

"I'm so confused, Em. I just don't get it. We've been so happy. And I don't think that's just me."

He sighed again.

"If I thought you didn't love me I'd understand."

He shook his head. It made no sense. They'd moved in together, they'd grown close in every way and he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with the most beautiful, kind and caring person he'd ever known. Marriage seemed like the next step and he knew he wanted to take it with her. He'd been so sure she felt the same.

Sitting there with nothing making sense, equally improbable ideas were all that came to him. Was Emma still married to Carl? Did she still love him? Was there someone else? He rubbed his forehead as though to sweep away all the crazy ideas and he was left with only one that seemed plausible.

"Is it that you don't trust me, Em?" he asked, his voice quiet. The silence was more than he could bear.

"And I know the way we started...I know it wasn't right. But I promise you, Em, that'll never happen with us and I won't hurt you again. I swear."

He took a deep breath.

"Because I know I hurt you, Em, before. But I would hate," the emotion broke through and he fought to continue, "to think that you couldn't trust me now because of what I did back then."

Emma couldn't listen to the pain in his voice and not reassure him. They'd worked hard on their issues. Most of all he had worked hard to regain her trust. And she did trust him now.

She opened the door slightly and feeling the movement beneath his head, Will looked up at her with tears in his eyes. Her face was pale and drawn, the tears still wet on her cheeks.

"I trust you, Will. That's not it."

Her voice sounded small. The relief at seeing her though was immense and Will stood, folding her in his arms. He felt the way her body molded to his. The way the tension left her body. The way she needed him.

"You love me, Em, I know you do," he said looking down into her eyes.

She didn't say anything but the look in her eyes did nothing to dissuade him.

"If you love me and you trust me, Emma, please marry me." He tried once more.

She shook her head vigorously then.

"I can't, Will. I won't."

And then more gently, as she pulled him by the hand and brought him down on to the couch next to her, she looked sadly at him and said, "It's because I love you that I can't marry you, Will."

"Em, that's crazy. You love me so make me happy and marry me."

She shook her head, another tear falling.

"I can't make you happy, Will. Not the way you deserve to be."

"Emma," Will began, but she raised a finger to his lips, silencing him.

"You want kids, Will, it's not a secret. It never has been. You can't pretend it's not the case."

She nodded slowly, looking at him with her big sad eyes.

"And I don't know that I can give you that."

"It doesn't matter, Em. I don't care, I..."

"I care, Will. I don't want to be the one to take that from you. And one day, one day I think you will care too."

"Em, don't, please don't. We'll work it out."

"But what if we don't, Will? And every time we pass a park and there are children playing or we go to the mall and someone's pushing a stroller, I'll know that at least part of you wants that. And I'll see a sadness in you Will and...I'll know that I put it there. I can't watch that, Will. I won't be responsible for that."

Will looked at her, the words to reassure her failed him.

She put her hand on his arm.

"More than anything I just want you to be happy. Really and truly happy."

"But what are you saying, Em? That you want me to live my life without you, to marry someone else, to have a family with someone who's not you." Will was shocked. he couldn't believe that his proposal to Emma had turned into her suggesting that he find another woman to marry.

She bit her lip and nodded solemnly.

"I want you to have everything you want Will, and if that means not being with me, then that will be better than you looking at me twenty years from now and hating me for what I've taken from you. From denying you the life you know you want."

"That won't happen."

Emma shook her head. "You don't know that, Will. Can you really say that year after year you'll be content teaching the kids at McKinley, watching another class graduate, and you won't wonder why there's not a child of yours amongst them?"

Will took both her hands and locking his gaze with hers, said slowly but surely, "I don't know a lot of things, Emma, but I do know that I love you. And I know I can't imagine a life without you in it. If you're worried about my happiness, then all you need to promise me is that you'll be by my side. And what the future holds, well I can't say, but neither can you. What you can tell me is that we'll face it together."

He smiled at her, willing his words to be enough to convince her.

"Because you are all I need, Em. And honestly, I'm a mess without you, you know that."

She gave him a small smile back and he hoped that meant she believed him.

Looking at her soberly again, he told her the only thing he could say.

"And if I have to choose between having children and having you in my life, then I choose you, Emma. That's my decision. you don't get to choose that for me. I choose you."

Emma bit her lip, the tears threatening again.

"So will you marry me, Emma?"

She nodded, not able to say the word.

"Is that a yes? You mean that? You won't take it back?"

"Are you sure, Will?" she said quietly.

"I'm sure, Emma."

"Then, yes." She nodded. "Yes."


End file.
